My Testimony

I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was nine years old. I gradually let Him work in my life as a teenager and a young adult. However, I didn't surrender my life to God because I was afraid to; my faith wasn't strong enough to let go and let God take over. Also, I didn't know anyone who had done that. I just went along with what I thought would be acceptable to God and was something I could do.

For example, I went to Cal Baptist College in Riverside, California and studied biology. I knew that would be OK with my parents, it would be in keeping with my talents, and it was something I could afford to pay for. My parents would not have been so OK with me living in a coed dorm at UCLA and majoring in fine art where I would have been looking at nude models. I did what I thought was reasonable and not contrary to any Biblical teachings.

There was a popular saying at the time, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." I learned how to witness to people using the tract that made that statement, but I didn't think it applied to me. I didn't really think it applied to most people. I was an ordinary person. I had no great talent; I couldn't sing or preach or lead hundreds of people to Christ. I thought God just had a wonderful plan for special people.

So I worked as a science teacher, I married, and I had a daughter. I did not realize that God was working in my life, quietly and behind the scenes. After I had been married several years, I was very disillusioned with my life. The poor quality of my marriage had much to do with it.

In 2005 I came out of my disillusionment and realized God's plan for me was wonderful. It was during the hardest time in my life; when I realized my marriage was dead and nothing was going to save it. That was more devastating than when I found out that I had cancer. I remember clutching the steering wheel of the car each day driving back and forth to school as I listened to music by delirious?, Casting Crowns, Jonah 33 or Jeremy Camp. I would pray the lyrics of their songs as I drove down the street. It was especially intense between February and May of 2005.

I remember the day that I sat in the left turn lane at Hamner and Bellegrave in Ontario, California, praying as I waited for the light to turn green.

Jesus spoke to me and he said, "I'm waiting for you."

Jesus spoke right out of the middle of the back seat. He had the sweetest, kindest voice. He was waiting for me, and when I was ready, He would be there. There was no impatience, no toe-tapping. He was just waiting for me. I was that important to Him--He would wait for me!!

That was when Jesus became the one I love best; during those very hard days when I was in a situation I never thought I was going to find myself in. I remember going to a counselor who warned me that if I continued with my counselling, I was going to get to a place where I was well and I would be dissatisfied with my marriage. It might mean the end of my marriage.

When I heard that warning in 2005, I didn't care if my marriage ended; I wanted to be well. I knew I was close to being over my emotional problems. I was getting stronger. The end was in sight and I was going to reach it. If my husband insisted on staying where he was in his misery, that was his decision.

So I decided to go ahead and participate more in church life, even if it meant going to Bible study without my husband. In June 2006 I began working with Carmen greeting people before church and becoming acquainted with women who came to church alone. Sometimes I sat next to a woman who was by herself. In 2006 I began blooming.

A person cannot be spiritually mature until they are emotionally mature. All levels of maturity go hand-in-hand: social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, etc. You cannot excel at one maturity and be immature in other areas.

Now I know that God was guiding me in my choices as I went through my early years. He guided me as much as I would let him. I know I prayed about which college to attend and which major to choose. I wasn't very adept at discerning God's voice when I was young, but I think he He put me in the place I belonged. I know I am teaching in the place He wants me to be now.

Mostly, what has happened is that I have an attitude change. I see my life as part of God's plan.
He sees this entire picture from the creation of the world until its end. We see a small part of human history. It amazes me is that God's intellect and love is so vast that he remembers to have me read a book on July 6, 2009 that may help with a situation next year and that may help my daughter lead someone to Christ when she is on the mission field.

Each one of us has a place in God's plan. We might be the boy with 2 fish and 5 loaves or we might be his mom who packed the lunch. We might be the person who caught the fish or the one who mended the net. Each one of us has a place in God's plan.