A Interesting Vision

Originally written 3/31/09. I have revised this.
Last week I was reading in the book of Job. I went there because I was finishing up writing And Then God 2008. I needed to quote a passage from Job 33:19 and following. The passage starts out being about pain, then moves into healing.

"Yet if there is an angel on her side
one out of a thousand
to tell a woman what is right for her,
to be gracious to her and say,
'Spare her from going down to the pit;
I have found a ransom for her'--
then her flesh is renewed like a child's;
it is restored as in the days of her youth.
She prays to God and finds favor with Him,
she sees God's face and shouts for joy;
she is restored by God to her righteous state."

It says "one in a thousand" may have an angel that mediates for her before God, and God brings her back from being skin and bones and restores her to the strength of her youth.

So I started looking up all the references to angels in God's Heavenly Council. Of course, in Job chapters 1 and 2, the angels are presenting themselves before the Lord, when Satan comes in from walking back and forth across the Earth. There were references about beings coming before God in 1Kings 22:19, Psalms 89:5-7, Isaiah 6*, and others. (This is often how I study new things in the Bible. I find a reference that intrigues me, and start following the footnotes.)

*(Todd Agnew has a great song titled "Isaiah 6" that quotes that chapter.)

Anywho, it was in 1 Kings 22:19-29 that the footnote commented that back in those days a prophet was considered to be the real deal, if he had seen the Lord seated on His throne in a vision. I thought I'd be scared out of my wits if I had a vision of God on His throne; I prefer it when I see Jesus in my room. I had a vision like that last December.

It was December 26, 2008. I was writing on my computer and reflecting on what my cancer doctors had said that month. Suddenly, I realized the oncologist had sent me home with medication and hadn't said anything about future treatment. It dawned on me that he thought all we could do was treat my symptoms. He thought I was not curable. Probably because when carcinoid cancer goes to the liver, people don't survive. The cancer causes liver dysfunction, then cardiac insufficiency, and then death. (Maybe one out of a thousand survives?)

I went into my bedroom to read in Hebrews 10-12 where I had been reading that week. Reading didn't help, and I could barely see for all my tears. When I tried to pray, I couldn't put three sentences together. I cried out, "How can I comfort myself? Comfort me, Jesus!" All the bravery I had at other times was gone.

He told me, "Listen to music."

That was perfect!

I looked at the new CDs on my nightstand by Jeremy Camp and Kutlass. No, nothing seemed appropriate on Jeremy's CD. I played snatches of three songs on the Kutlass CD. No, nothing fit. Then I dug farther down in the stack. Aha! DAVID CROWDER*BAND--Remedy; last year's Christmas present. The first song states,
At the start He was there.
He was there.
At the end He'll be there.
He'll be there.
Also, a song that says God never lets go. Perfect. Calming. Reassuring.

I tried to sing along in my head, but I was too distraught. So I just laid there wanting Jesus. After about 4 songs played, I realized I was totally at peace. I asked, "How did you do that, Jesus?" Just like a child, "How did you do that, Jesus?" Then he showed me in a picture I could understand. It was just like the Sunday School pictures that I used to see when I was a little girl in Baptist Sunday School classes.

I was lying face down, with my head near the foot of the bed on the right edge. Jesus was leaning over me, with his hand stroking my hair. Just like a mother would stroke her child's hair. Jesus was wearing a light-colored robe, with a rose-colored cloak over his shoulder.

When I cry out to God in my greatest distress, He answers with the greatest response. It happened in church 2 years ago during a church service, when Gerry saw Jesus come down from the platform to comfort me. It happened in the hospital after surgery and it happened when my doctor lost all hope that I could be cured. (Incidentally, every time He appears, Jesus is on my right, like the reference in Revelation about the His sheep being on the right.)

I began seeing visions several years ago, when I asked God what it was like for my babies in heaven. He showed me how my babies were received into God's nursery, and my grandparents and other relatives came to meet them. It was wonderful. It is as if a call goes out to all the relatives to come receive the baby. A nursery worker handed my baby to my Grandma Laizure--who was in the lead. Then Grandma sat down in a rocking chair holding the baby while the others crowded around to see Sharon's baby. I could see Grandpa Laizure, my cousin Jimmy, my great-grandma Emma, and another 20 people following them down the wide steps behind them.



My grandpa Laizure went to heaven for a short time when he was in the hospital after having colon surgery. I believe that visions do come from God, and I'm always interested in their interpretation. A vision is different from something in your imagination. You don't put any affort into thinking about it. Also, for me they usually show up when I ask God a question or cry out to Him for help. He helps me see (with other eyes) what is going on.




P.S. After I first published this my younger sister told me about the visions she has had. She said our mother also had visions and was told things by the Lord about her life. Now I understand why Mom spent such a long time sitting in an easy chair after reading her Bible. She was spending time with God, and He was speaking to her.

I wonder what causes people to see pictures that God sends them? Is it just an open heart? I take the vision of my baby in heaven as a picture God sent to comfort me. 12/29/09

What Really Happened at Christ's Birth according to Sharon

Hi,
I had this all written in my head on Sunday when I was thrown off course by a nasty virus, but I am better now. Instead of gardening and grading, as I planned to be doing now, I'm reading and writing. I'm getting blessings from becoming a fan of John Piper on Facebook. I hope there is gardening and grading by Thursday.

For Christmas I received a CD of Christmas music by Casting Crowns. I love the CD because of some new songs and new versions of older songs . I don't often hear "Sweet Little Jesus Boy" or "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" (an instrumental version.) The female members of Casting Crowns sing more songs on this CD than on others. Lovely harmonies.

However, I'm disturbed by a line in one song that says baby Jesus was wrapped in dirty rags because there was no room for them in the inn. I'm sending this blog to some men who have studied Greek and Hebrew to see if that is literally true. I have always seen swaddling clothes as being narrow strips of fabric that were wrapped around the baby. I imagine they might be old, soft pieces of fabric from old clothes. You wouldn't put new fabric on a baby since the baby has no bowel control.

Therefore, I have written this account of what happened at Christ's birth. It is divided into three sections.
1. Mary was Not an Idiot.
2. What Happened in the Inn the Next Morning
3. Shepherds have Big Mouths

1. Mary was Not an Idiot. Mary and all her relatives knew she was pregnant when she and Joseph left for Bethlehem. The Bible says she was great with child, therefore I think all her female relatives tried to help prepare her. Riding for days on the back of a donkey sounds like it surely might induce labor. At the least, Mary would have carried the swaddling clothes to wrap her new baby in, probably amplified by one or two blankets.

2. What Happened in the Inn the Next Morning.

The innkeeper's wife is speaking, " She had a baby last night!? Abram, you told me the girl in the stable was pregnant! You did not say she was about to give birth! There's a big difference! Lord have mercy!"

"Josiah, come here and fill this mattress with fresh hay! Take it out to the stable. "

"I'll find some blankets."

"Abram, is the family from Capernaum leaving today? They can have that room." Hurrying down the hallway. "She's going to need to drink plenty of liquids..."

3. Shepherds have Big Mouths

Luke 2:15-20. And it came about when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds began saying to one another, "Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing which has happened which the Lord has made known to us." And they came in haste and found their way to Mary and Joseph and the baby as He lay in the manger. And when they had seen this, they made known the statement which they had been told about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things that were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds went back glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

Clearly, the shepherds went back and told others what they had seen. I'm sure the marvel and wonder of it all brought people to their knees. I don't know how they could have kept people from going to the stable to see the baby.

And people would have brought gifts to the baby, in awe that he was or might be the Messiah. They might not have been sure of the significance of the Christ, but I think all the mothers realized that Joseph and Mary needed food to eat. Someone might have brought two barley loaves; another half of the fish he caught for dinner. Another woman would have brought clothes her babies didn't need any more.

Additionally, when Jesus was presented in the Temple, Simeon and Anna recognized the Messiah. I don't know how many days had to pass before their purification were complete, but Jesus was still a small baby. The Bible says Anna didn't leave the Temple, but she told everyone about Him who were looking for the redemption of Israel. Simeon most likely had a family and friends nearby. It's hard for me to believe that people didn't reach out to Mary, Joseph, and Jesus with whatever friendship or goods they could supply.


I am probably just trying to comfort myself that Mary and Jesus didn't suffer so badly when He was born; I'm trying to make it better. However, as a mom, I can't believe other mothers didn't reach out to Mary as soon as they saw her predicament. I realize Jesus was born in a stable and laid in a manger; I just don't want Him to stay there for weeks.

Update: Reality Check

Hello! I hope you had a Merry Christmas! We had a very nice time with 8 people around our table for dinner on Christmas Day. We don't do the Christmas Eve thing. Christmas presents are opened on Christmas Day and on Christmas Eve we go to church. When K was little we would open a present on The Eve, just to relieve some of her anticipation.


On Dec. 23 I went in for my usual injection of Sandosation aka Octeotide. My oncologist is following the protocol of the PROMID study to inject 30mg of Octreotide LAR intramuscularly every 28 days.


The reality check is that this month I could tell the drug was wearing off on the 27th and 28th day. That has not happened before. I had diarrhea, which is a classic sign of carcinoid syndrome. (And it was from carcinoid; I can tell that it's not from something I ate. Don't ask me how I know.) Doctors who don't know much about carcinoid recall from med school that the symptoms are flushing and diarrhea. After that, the conversation is over, and I have to explain to them what it's really like.


Also, as I was waiting for my shot to be prepared, I looked at my file again. This time the nice nurse, Karen, was there, and she told me I could read the PROMID article in my file, but that I was not supposed to read anything else. That was news to me, as I have written here before; I've read through my entire chart while waiting for my medication to be thawed out and prepared. The wait is usually 45 minutes. I have found that my doctors pretty much write down the same thing as they say to me.


So I read part of the print article that my oncologist (Dr. Z) has been following since January. The study was finally published a few months ago, after Dr.Z had heard the researchers speak about it twice. The study found that the Octreotide shots delay the progress of the disease for an average of 14.3 months. Reality check: I've been following this study for 11 months, so I'm not guaranteed much more time without progress of the tumors. I know, of course, that there are no promises.



I had read the summary of this study last summer, and I knew the average time was 14.3 months. It just brings it home seeing it in print again. Especially since it's close to 14.3 months.



Dr. Z is following the PROMID study still. He says that there are patients who have continued with their symptoms in check for two years and the study is still continuing, so we don't know the longest time yet. I have lived as if the time was going to be 5 years; I guess I will just keep doing that.



Love,

Sharon

I'm Fine

Hi!

A week ago I got the report back from the pelvic ultrasound. It shows a cyst 1.6cm long that is fluid-filled. It probably was a follicle that ruptured, but the fluid didn't leave as it should have. The pain decreased after 10 days, so I am doing much better.

My biggest concern was that I might have to have a laparoscopy to remove the cyst. I emailed a bunch of friends asking for prayer. Within 1.5 hours, I could feel the weight of anxiety lifted off my shoulders. We were at "Christmas on Euclid" where our daughter's choir from Colony H.S. was going to perform when I could feel peace surrounding me. Thank you for praying!

I saw my oncologist on December 15. More good news! My cancer marker, Chromogranin A is down to 25 again; so it's staying between 20 and 50. That has never happened before. My gastrin level was almost normal-- it was only 139. Normal fasting gastrin is under 100, but my previous numbers have been more like 200, so this is good. So we have two indicators that my tumors are staying small.

It's a school night, so I can't say much. Vacation starts on Saturday for two weeks. Yay!

Sharon

Something Got Healed!

Hi,

On November 7th I wrote that I had been feeling better for a few weeks after people prayed over me at church. I am still feeling much less aching in my arms and legs, and I am stronger in my limbs, also. Let me explain how this happened.

After the sermon during a worship service in October, the pastor asked people who wanted prayer to come to a room near the sanctuary. I went in because I'm always willing to be prayed for, and I was very tired and aching. I wondered if I would be able to continue teaching all year.

I had sat in my "prayer chair" that morning and explained to God that I was weak, and I hurt in so many places that I didn't know which ailment was causing which symptoms. There was pain from my back, I ached from my head to my knees, and I was weak. Some of the symptoms were from cancer, some from arthritis, some from fibromyalgia, and some were from the degenerating disks in my neck and lower back. Mostly I just told God about it, and I asked for some relief.

Therefore, after the service, I was very happy to have prayer for healing. I talked with the ladies about what I needed, and three people prayed for me. Then a group of us drove over to Everest, a local eatery. Something happened just before R. pulled into the driveway at Everest.

Suddenly, all I could feel was the pain from my back--all the other pain was gone! However, the back pain was magnified and I could picture it. I saw the pain in my back as light radiating out like light from a star. There were 8 rays of light going in different directions from my neck. Four rays went to my head and neck and four rays went to my shoulders and back. The rays going to my head and mid-back were longer than the rays to my neck and shoulders. From the degenerating disks at the bottom of my spine the "star" was smaller with four rays that were fainter and only about four or five inches long. The size and brightness of each ray matched how strong the pain was.

That "picture" and intense pain lasted 5-10 seconds. It was just long enough for me to feel the pain and understand what was going on. When I went on into Everest I felt much better, and just noticed pain from my back and arthritis. Since that night I have had a few deep pains from fibromyalgia--the ones that feel like the painful muscles are next to my femur and humerus. I have not had aching in my arms and legs and my muscles are stronger. I am stronger.

So, what was healed? I'm not clear what it was, yet. It could be that God took away the fatigue and pain from the carcinoid cancer. He may have taken away the little aches from fibromyalgia. Right now as I wrote the last two sentences, I've been having sharp pains in both thighs. Small, but sharp pains. Is He telling me the fibromyalgia is still here?

I'm just grateful for His Love and relief from feeling so badly.

Love,

Sharon

It's November

Time really does fly by in the middle of the school year. I haven't stopped to write here for a few weeks.

I have a couple of different answers about the nausea and vomiting. My internist said the sudden vomiting could be from twisting in the small intestine where I had cancer surgery. A small piece of the intestine was removed, and when that happens there's a chance the bowel can kink there. That would explain the suddenness of the vomiting. The pain to the right of the mid -line was right on top of the duodenum--that's were my tumors were.

My oncologist said that vomiting is a part of carcinoid syndrome. My nausea is usually about 30-45 minutes after I eat breakfast when the food would have reached my duodenum. I have not been eating as much for breakfast lately because I am feeling full and I don't want to vomit. Breakfast is when I eat the largest amount of food. I am really hungry then and after school.

My Chromogranin A is still staying down below 50. It is at 46 this month, and I have been feeling better. When school started I felt tlike I might have to quit teaching after this year, but now I have more endurance. I've felt stronger for about three weeks, when I had a few people pray over me at church.

God is good all the time.
Sharon

Cancer is Tough

I have new symptoms. I think they are from the carcinoid cancer or maybe my stomach is doing something new. I want this to be a true account, so here goes.

Now I am vomiting. A few times this year I have gone through a season of feeling queasy in the morning. I only notice it between 7 and 8 am. Then by 8 o'clock I'm at work and too busy to notice. On Thursday I suddenly vomited at 7:15 as I was about to leave for work. I felt very sick as I called for a substitute. A teacher has to punch in a bunch of numbers and answer at least 10 questions, just to get a sub to show up. I was shaking and had sweat dripping off my chin as I pushed buttons on my phone. I just wanted to get the call completed before I was sick again. Then I went back to bed until 1:30.

Today (the following Monday) I had a strong pain in my upper right quadrant of my abdomen at 7:20. It is a few centimeters distal of where my gallbladder was. I got in my car and felt the pain again before I backed out of the driveway. I pressed on the painful spot, and spit up into the trash bag about 20 seconds later. I went to school and was not sick again.

The pain does not seem to be where my stomach is. When I had an ulcer the pain was left of the mid line; this is to the right. I do have acid reflux, so I hope this is just some variation of that. I have never vomited from reflux, and I usually feel the burning in my stomach or throat.

I will see my internist on Wednesday.

Also, I have developed a feeling that is like a shudder of pain and weakness. I have felt it several times this month. Once when I had an episode of carcinoid syndrome, I stood up and had the strongest occurrence. Pain and weakness ran down through my thighs. I almost felt as if my legs would give out, but the weakness lessened as it reached my knees, and then it disappeared. That has happened before. This weekend, I had that sensation develop in my shoulders and run into my back. Again, I recovered because the pain weakened as it ran on down my body. What happens when it doesn't fade away?

Our God is an Awesome God!

Our God is an Awesome God
He Reigns from Heaven Above
With Mercy, Pow'r, and Love
Our God is an Awesome God!

Our God is an Awesome God
He Reigns from Heaven Above
With Mercy, Pow'r and Love
Our God is an Awesome God!

Friday afternoon I was working in my classroom at 3:50. I had expected to go home at 3:30, as soon as an IEP was over. That's a special meeting for a Special Education student.

I was looking at the clock, making sure it was right. I was feeling OK (to my amazement), so I went ahead and wrote on the board preparing my requirements for Monday. I had my Homework, Agenda, Warm-up, Objective and the Standard on the board. That should make it easier to get started on Monday morning. I left school at 4:10.

I got home 25 minutes later. I came in the door and stumbled into the living room where I sat on the loveseat and petted the dog for a few minutes. Then Spunky stretched out beside me to take a nap, and I fell asleep, also. My condition had changed on the drive home. I couldn't even walk straight or stay awake. Somehow God preserves me while I am in my classroom.

When R came by about 5:00, Spunky got super-excited to see him. I staggered into the bedroom, pulled a nightgown over my underwear and slept until 7:40 pm. I got up at 8:40pm and felt pretty good. K and I watched some TV and talked. I went to bed about midnight.

God Showed Me Something

Hi,

Last week I wrote that I felt badly, but I wasn't sure which ailment was getting me down.

At church on Saturday I went in for prayer after the service. I asked for relief from the weakness and pain. Of course, the ladies and my pastor prayed for healing, too.

After church a group of us go to Everest, a restaurant in Upland. As we turned into the parking lot at Everest, God showed me something. He made it very clear where some of my pains were from. What He did was take away ALL the pain and fatigue, except from the degenerating disks in my back. He intensified the pain from the nerves in my back so that I could feel and picture exactly were the pain was going. I saw the pain from my neck radiating out like rays of light going up to the top of my head, to my neck, shoulders, and down my back. The pain from the vertebrae in my lower back went out in only four rays, and the pain was milder.

For the rest of the evening the aching and fatigue in my body was gone. I believe that was the pain from cancer, and God took it away. In the next day I had a few deep pains that were fibromyalgia, and the arthritis in my hand and shoulder was back. I was able to identify where each pain came from, so I was less discouraged.

Now I understand that when someone hurts all over they really feel bad emotionally. You can't just cheer up. We should do something to relieve one of their pains. Whether it's a back rub or soaking their feet in warm water or getting a heating pad from the store, we need to do something to encourage them.