I Really don't Know How I am, but I'll Find Out

Hello,

I haven't said much lately because I've been in a waiting mode again. Mostly of the time I've felt OK, even felt good. However, I have to have an MRI to figure out what's up with this pain I've had behind my right ribcage for a few months.

When I had the first two tumors I had a little pain behind ribs on the right side. The tumors were removed three months apart, and I had a distinct little pain with each. Each pain went away after each surgery. The only one who seemed to give it any consideration as a symptom was my internist. He just suggested that we wait and see if it would go away after the surgery, and it did.

The new pain is about 2 inches higher up the rib cage, and it's not always there. It was not there on Tuesday when I went to see my oncologist, but came back that evening when I was doing some work around the house. This time the doctor is seeing the pain as a possible symptom, and has scheduled an MRI for March 29, a Monday, at 5pm.

I don't have to take time off for the scan, but I might anyway. It's in an enclosed MRI at the UCI Med Center; they don't have a closed MRI. I'm claustrophobic. The last MRI I had done was of my back at an open MRI in Corona. That was the quietest MRI I ever had. Half the problem with the procedure is the loud noise making me feel like I am under attack. So I just might take the day off so I can spend time in prayer and do lots of stretches to get ready for lying on my back for an hour.

This month I had my oncologist's visit and my Octreotide LAR on the same day. It worked out expediently because I ordered my shot at the Infusion Center so it could be thawed out in the pharmacy. Then I saw the doctor, and came back to get the shot 45 minutes later. So I was on the 57 Freeway at 3:55. I got home at 5:10, so the timing worked out very well.

I didn't have any labs done, since I just saw the doctor three weeks ago. My blood pressure was 138/81 and 144/78 while I was there. I have been eating much less sugar for 5 weeks now, and that may have helped lower my b.p. I have to have fasting blood work done again for both the cardiologist and oncologist in two weeks, so I will see if my sugar has dropped very far.

My weight is staying between 138 and 140, so I have lost at least four of the pounds that I gained in the last year. I'm quite sure that my triglycerides will be noticeably lower; partly from the diet and partly from a higher dose of statin drug. My doctor will probably credit the drug: he has been determined to find one that would not have bad side effects. I wish I could go back on diet and exercise to lower my cholesterol again, but I don't have the strength.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Love,
Sharon

Ask a Question, Get an Answer

Hello,
Last week I was wondering why I was tired when my cancer markers are so low. I think I have an answer. When I had my routine bloodwork done, my fasting blood sugar was 119. For the last few years it has always been 95-99. I don't know why it would make such a big jump in only one month, but I will be eating much less sugar this coming month.

It makes sense now (3/3/10). When I went in to have the fasting bloodwork done(Jan. 27), I was not feeling well. In fact, I had taken two days off. I didn't know what was wrong: I was very tired and didn't feel like I could teach my class. Now I know that I didn't feel well because my blood sugar was too high. At the time I thought maybe my tumors were giving off lots of chemicals. Instead the labs showed just the opposite; all my cancer numbers are great!

For a year I have been weighing 10 pounds more than usual. I guess that has put a strain on my pancreas, or else it was just a matter of time. My younger sister, mother, paternal grandmother, and grandma's brother all had diabetes; so it's on both sides of the family. Also, I bet one of my many medications can raise blood sugar. I have one that can raise blood pressure. Soon I'm going to have more than 10 medications.

At any rate, I praise God that my cancer markers are very low! My Chromogranin A is only 8.8. I must have lacked faith in Him last week when I thought my cancer can't be so suppressed, even though the numbers were. So I give Him glory! He is shrinking my tumors. As Karen D. told me, with cancer you learn not to get too excited at the good news or too down about the bad news. Right now cancer doesn't seem to be the big problem. I have to get my sugar levels down.

Two years ago, having found out about carcinoid cancer and fibromyalgia and having had Sjogren's Syndrome for 23 years, I asked God, "Are you going to give me the world's longest list of obscure diseases, with the world's mildest cases of each?" I was laughing. I would still go with the worlds' mildest case of each, but now I think the list is long enough, Father. Your grace is sufficient for me. I'm st not sure I'm sufficient for all these diseases.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 NIV

Love,
Sharon Joy

My Labs are Fantastic! So why am I so Tired?

Hi,

I went by Dr. Zell's at UCI Med Center today and got my latest lab results. They are so incredibly good! My Chromogranin A is 8.8 ng/mL. That is totally normal. In fact, the Doctor said it was suppressed. We have been happy because I've been having CgA numbers lately between 20 and 50 ng/mL. This is unbelievable. Praise God!

We have been following the amount of gastrin in my blood because the tumors seem to be gastrinomas. All my other values have been 138, 200 (non-fasting), or 600 (non-fasting). Normal fasting gastrin is 100 pg/mL or below. My fasting gastrin is down to 30 pg/mL. In January we checked the serotonin level in my blood, because too much serotonin in the blood can attack the heart valves. Normal serotonin is 26-165 ng/mL. Mine was below 10 ng/mL; too low for the reportable range. So I guess my heart is safe from attack by serotonin.

Today the doctor and I seemed to be on the same wavelength. I was telling him about the symptoms I've been having: diarrhea the day before my treatment; a feeling of fullness in the upper right quadrant of my abdomen; and a dull pain in the same quadrant. He said he had been wanting to get some images, since we have not done any nuclear medicine scans since August 2009, and he suggested doing a MRI. Unlike the nuclear medicine scans, an MRI does not require me to go off my medicine and it exposes me to less radiation than a CT scan. He had obviously been thinking about doing the MRI before I got there. He said we can use it as a baseline scan if nothing shows up regarding the symptoms I'm having. That sounds fine to me!

My next appointment is in three weeks. Dr. Zell said it takes about one week to get the approval from insurance, one week to schedule the MRI and one week to get the results. So I have my next doctor appointment and my LAR on March 16. I can race over to the Medical Center as soon as 5th period ends and get there on time.

So why am I so tired? I don't know. All I can think of is stress from my job. We have our district assessment on March 5 and there's lots of pressure to help the students learn to read and write better for the CST (state testing) at the end of April. I was surprised how much more relaxed I was after the district assessment was over last fall. I was much less stressed. I bet my blood pressure went down that week.

Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only this, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance ; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our heartsby the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

Finding Encouragement on the Internet

Hi,

I'm getting through the month of February OK. I went in for my cancer treatment on Wednesday: 30 mg of Octreotide shot into the hip. It was discouraging because I got sick from cancer on Tuesday night. Carcinoid has its own peculiar type of diarrhea. It's a sign that my medication isn't as effective as it was , if I'm getting sick on the 27th day after my last shot. I was sick and in pain for a few hours, but I slept alright.

What helped with my pain was reading an email I got from my Aunt Dottie regarding work in Haiti. I felt drawn to the Internet to find some comfort for myself with my gut hurting--I was looking for another carcinoid patient to connect with, but I checked my email first. Aunt Dottie had forwarded an email sent from Haiti by a volunteer with Radio Lumiere. (Radio Lumiere is a Christian radio station that my Uncle Jim (her husband) worked for in the late 1960's.) The President of Haiti had declared 3 days of prayer and fasting on the one month anniversary of the earthquake! I never read anything about that in the newspaper. I haven't had a chance to watch the news for a week. How wonderful! Everywhere people were gathering in open-air churches to pray and worship! The Americans couldn't understand how wonderful this is in a country where voodoo competes with Christianity. They wanted to go about business as usual.

I prayed that Haiti for Christ would emerge from the ashes. The Christians in Haiti have a strong faith. Praise God!

After that great news, I went to the website for Carcinoid Cancer Foundation. The link is on this blog. I found there was a page listing blogs and websites written by carcinoid patients, and I picked one to read. It's written by a Christian! I was so excited! Actually, it's written by his adult son, but when the man is well enough he write encouraging messages. The blog is DGWhealthnews.blogspot.com. DGW is a former pastor who retired just a couple years ago. He is ill from carcinoid cancer.

That was a blessing. So I felt much better from finding good news on the 'Net.
Sharon

Even though it's Pouring Down, I can see You through the Clouds

UPDATE:In the last 2 years, I find most people find this post because they are looking for the lyric to Francesca's song. so I am goingto copy the whole lyric in here.
This is a story about a beautiful song and how it helped me through my week.

The number of different things each teacher is being asked to do is steadily increasing month-by-month, and I have gotten discouraged that I can do all of them. Maybe I don't have faith that we can really pull this off. At least, that we can't do it all in one year. I have the feeling that I'm pedalling as fast as I can, but more keeps being added. I have decided to only work 50 hours per week, because any more leads to exhaustion and discouragement.

On Wednesday I felt that way. It's the day I have my drum lesson, and before I left, I snatched up Cd's by Sade, Carlos Santana, and Francesca Battistelli. I play hand percussion, and was looking for new music to play along with. Sade is an old favorite of mine to accompany. When I got to the studio, I handed Butch the Cd by Francesca because I had been listening to it on the way to my lesson.

This is where the beautiful song comes in. It's called "Beautiful" and was written by Francesca Battistelli, Ian Eskelin, and Andrew Fromm. I sang along and played to this for 10 minutes, then went home singing all the way.

" Don't know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace.......

Chorus: Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful.

Now there's a joy inside I can't contain,
But even perfect days can end in rain,
And tho' it's pouring down,
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

Chorus: Like sunlight burning at midnight,
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful,
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need,
You are so beautiful, beautiful.


I have come undone, But I have just begun changing by Your grace..." 

I had more discouragement Thursday and Friday from a student and his mother. He has been not working and has an F. His mom wanted me to email her all the time to tell her what he is doing. I have to write her every assignment that Hosea doesn't do. I won't do that. My policy is that the parent has to email me every week to check on their child. Also, the child has to write down his assignment, and I will sign it. That way the parent can see what needs to be done.
I will not do the work of the parent and the child.

So I went to work singing "Beautiful", and everything turned out alright. I still have to get the parent and child to follow my policies, but I was not so discouraged.

You Capture Me, O, Lord, You Capture Me!

For some time now I have wondered what to call the change in my life since 2004. My relationship with God has changed so much since then: I love Him best. Before 2004 I wanted my marriage to be the best relationship. It was not. I had to turn to God.

I had asked Christ to be my Savior as a child and grew in knowledge about the Lord as I kept attending church. Later I rededicated myself to the Lord several times as a teenager and young adult. Lately I have been wondering why I never made this commitment to be close to God earlier. Just today I figured it out--with God's help in my worship time.

There has been a change in the sermons preached from the pulpit over the last fifteen years. Perhaps it began earlier. I was looking at my sermon notes from the past, and I can see in the notes from New Hope Church that there has been a definite emphasis on individual Christians having a close relationship with God for several years. Relationships are what has been emphasized. Our relationships with each other as Christians; relationship with the community around us, and others. Most supremely, our relationship with God.

The only name I can give what for happened to me is totally surrendering my life to God. I can remember learning about this as a young woman about to leave college. The youth pastor at my church spoke to a small group of us about giving up our plans and surrendering to what God wanted us to do. I could not do it then: I was afraid. I was uncertain about who I was, and I wasn't sure I could do what God wanted me to do. I feared I would fail in my weakness. I also didn't want to go far away to some uncomfortable place. How sad that I didn't know that God would be beside me and He would develop the strength in me that I needed.

It's also sad that there was no one around I could talk to about this. The youth pastor was about to return home to Texas because his wife was very ill with an as-yet-undiagnosed illness. And I was on my way home to stay with my parents for the summer. When I came back I was in grad school and attending the Singles Sunday School class.

A huge factor in turning my life over to God was alternative Christian music. "I Want a Faith Like That" by Jonah 33 scared me to death, but fascinated me at the same time. I wanted a faith like that, but I wasn't ready for it yet. I knew better than to pray that song as I sang it.

Many other songs that we sang on Sunday by Matt Redmon or Chris Tomlin or Robert Ruiz and others promoted an intimate relationship with God. When I went to New Hope it was my first exposure to contemporary Christian music. LOL: I wondered where I could find these songs, and my then 11-year-old daughter told me to listen to Air1 radio. All the kids knew that; I just had to catch up.

Also, I have to credit the books I read. On the front page of this blog you see books listed by Larry Crabb (The Pressure's Off). He was the first influence leading me to understand that God really does have a plan for us, and it's not the one we wanted. But it will be the best plan to grow us into the person He wants us to be. Larry teaches us that God doesn't guarantee us that only good things will happen to us because we do "the right things". Life isn't like an equation, where if you do A plus B, you get C. God's ways are not our ways. Another helpful writer is John Piper.

This month I found a way to express how my life has changed in Jeremy Camp's song Capture Me.
"You took this life that once was frail
and gave it strength where hopelessness won't prevail,
and life more abundantly!"

"You opened up my heart and made a home in me.
You lifted up the weight the world has placed on me.
You capture me, O Lord, You capture me! "

"Your beauty, Lord, I know it captures me.
Your sweet embrace it brings me to my knees.
You capture me, O Lord, You capture me!"

Glory!

Mary Sitting at the Feet of Jesus

This is a favorite Scripture passage of mine from when I was a little girl. I have had it as the intro to my blog for a few months. Luke 10: 38-42 (New American Standard)

Now as they travelled along, He entered a certain village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home.
And she had a sister named Mary, who moreover was listening to the Lord's word, seated at His feet.
But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me."
But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things;
but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

I can remember the first time I heard this story in Sunday School. The teacher had a picture of Mary sitting at Jesus' feet listening to Him. I identified with Mary. I wanted to sit by Jesus, too, and listen to Him.

When the teacher told us that Mary's big sister came in and asked Him to tell Mary to go help in the kitchen, I was wary. I expected the big sister would get her way, and Mary wouldn't get to sit my Jesus anymore. I was sad for Mary.

But then the teacher said Mary didn't have to go and help. She could keep sitting by Jesus! Jesus said sitting by Him was a good thing to do! I was happy. Mary got to keep listening to Jesus; then I could sit by Jesus and listen to Him, too.

I still get tears in my eyes thinking about that. I think it was liberating. Sometimes little sisters got to have their way. Women didn't always have to go work in the kitchen. They weren't second class citizens. Jesus invited everyone to listen.

A Interesting Vision

Originally written 3/31/09. I have revised this.
Last week I was reading in the book of Job. I went there because I was finishing up writing And Then God 2008. I needed to quote a passage from Job 33:19 and following. The passage starts out being about pain, then moves into healing.

"Yet if there is an angel on her side
one out of a thousand
to tell a woman what is right for her,
to be gracious to her and say,
'Spare her from going down to the pit;
I have found a ransom for her'--
then her flesh is renewed like a child's;
it is restored as in the days of her youth.
She prays to God and finds favor with Him,
she sees God's face and shouts for joy;
she is restored by God to her righteous state."

It says "one in a thousand" may have an angel that mediates for her before God, and God brings her back from being skin and bones and restores her to the strength of her youth.

So I started looking up all the references to angels in God's Heavenly Council. Of course, in Job chapters 1 and 2, the angels are presenting themselves before the Lord, when Satan comes in from walking back and forth across the Earth. There were references about beings coming before God in 1Kings 22:19, Psalms 89:5-7, Isaiah 6*, and others. (This is often how I study new things in the Bible. I find a reference that intrigues me, and start following the footnotes.)

*(Todd Agnew has a great song titled "Isaiah 6" that quotes that chapter.)

Anywho, it was in 1 Kings 22:19-29 that the footnote commented that back in those days a prophet was considered to be the real deal, if he had seen the Lord seated on His throne in a vision. I thought I'd be scared out of my wits if I had a vision of God on His throne; I prefer it when I see Jesus in my room. I had a vision like that last December.

It was December 26, 2008. I was writing on my computer and reflecting on what my cancer doctors had said that month. Suddenly, I realized the oncologist had sent me home with medication and hadn't said anything about future treatment. It dawned on me that he thought all we could do was treat my symptoms. He thought I was not curable. Probably because when carcinoid cancer goes to the liver, people don't survive. The cancer causes liver dysfunction, then cardiac insufficiency, and then death. (Maybe one out of a thousand survives?)

I went into my bedroom to read in Hebrews 10-12 where I had been reading that week. Reading didn't help, and I could barely see for all my tears. When I tried to pray, I couldn't put three sentences together. I cried out, "How can I comfort myself? Comfort me, Jesus!" All the bravery I had at other times was gone.

He told me, "Listen to music."

That was perfect!

I looked at the new CDs on my nightstand by Jeremy Camp and Kutlass. No, nothing seemed appropriate on Jeremy's CD. I played snatches of three songs on the Kutlass CD. No, nothing fit. Then I dug farther down in the stack. Aha! DAVID CROWDER*BAND--Remedy; last year's Christmas present. The first song states,
At the start He was there.
He was there.
At the end He'll be there.
He'll be there.
Also, a song that says God never lets go. Perfect. Calming. Reassuring.

I tried to sing along in my head, but I was too distraught. So I just laid there wanting Jesus. After about 4 songs played, I realized I was totally at peace. I asked, "How did you do that, Jesus?" Just like a child, "How did you do that, Jesus?" Then he showed me in a picture I could understand. It was just like the Sunday School pictures that I used to see when I was a little girl in Baptist Sunday School classes.

I was lying face down, with my head near the foot of the bed on the right edge. Jesus was leaning over me, with his hand stroking my hair. Just like a mother would stroke her child's hair. Jesus was wearing a light-colored robe, with a rose-colored cloak over his shoulder.

When I cry out to God in my greatest distress, He answers with the greatest response. It happened in church 2 years ago during a church service, when Gerry saw Jesus come down from the platform to comfort me. It happened in the hospital after surgery and it happened when my doctor lost all hope that I could be cured. (Incidentally, every time He appears, Jesus is on my right, like the reference in Revelation about the His sheep being on the right.)

I began seeing visions several years ago, when I asked God what it was like for my babies in heaven. He showed me how my babies were received into God's nursery, and my grandparents and other relatives came to meet them. It was wonderful. It is as if a call goes out to all the relatives to come receive the baby. A nursery worker handed my baby to my Grandma Laizure--who was in the lead. Then Grandma sat down in a rocking chair holding the baby while the others crowded around to see Sharon's baby. I could see Grandpa Laizure, my cousin Jimmy, my great-grandma Emma, and another 20 people following them down the wide steps behind them.

My grandpa Laizure went to heaven for a short time when he was in the hospital after having colon surgery. I believe that visions do come from God, and I'm always interested in their interpretation. A vision is different from something in your imagination. You don't put any affort into thinking about it. Also, for me they usually show up when I ask God a question or cry out to Him for help. He helps me see (with other eyes) what is going on.

P.S. After I first published this my younger sister told me about the visions she has had. She said our mother also had visions and was told things by the Lord about her life. Now I understand why Mom spent such a long time sitting in an easy chair after reading her Bible. She was spending time with God, and He was speaking to her.

I wonder what causes people to see pictures that God sends them? Is it just an open heart? I take the vision of my baby in heaven as a picture God sent to comfort me. 12/29/09

What Really Happened at Christ's Birth according to Sharon

Hi,
I had this all written in my head on Sunday when I was thrown off course by a nasty virus, but I am better now. Instead of gardening and grading, as I planned to be doing now, I'm reading and writing. I'm getting blessings from becoming a fan of John Piper on Facebook. I hope there is gardening and grading by Thursday.

For Christmas I received a CD of Christmas music by Casting Crowns. I love the CD because of some new songs and new versions of older songs . I don't often hear "Sweet Little Jesus Boy" or "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" (an instrumental version.) The female members of Casting Crowns sing more songs on this CD than on others. Lovely harmonies.

However, I'm disturbed by a line in one song that says baby Jesus was wrapped in dirty rags because there was no room for them in the inn. I'm sending this blog to some men who have studied Greek and Hebrew to see if that is literally true. I have always seen swaddling clothes as being narrow strips of fabric that were wrapped around the baby. I imagine they might be old, soft pieces of fabric from old clothes. You wouldn't put new fabric on a baby since the baby has no bowel control.

Therefore, I have written this account of what happened at Christ's birth. It is divided into three sections.
1. Mary was Not an Idiot.
2. What Happened in the Inn the Next Morning
3. Shepherds have Big Mouths

1. Mary was Not an Idiot. Mary and all her relatives knew she was pregnant when she and Joseph left for Bethlehem. The Bible says she was great with child, therefore I think all her female relatives tried to help prepare her. Riding for days on the back of a donkey sounds like it surely might induce labor. At the least, Mary would have carried the swaddling clothes to wrap her new baby in, probably amplified by one or two blankets.

2. What Happened in the Inn the Next Morning.

The innkeeper's wife is speaking, " She had a baby last night!? Abram, you told me the girl in the stable was pregnant! You did not say she was about to give birth! There's a big difference! Lord have mercy!"

"Josiah, come here and fill this mattress with fresh hay! Take it out to the stable. "

"I'll find some blankets."

"Abram, is the family from Capernaum leaving today? They can have that room." Hurrying down the hallway. "She's going to need to drink plenty of liquids..."

3. Shepherds have Big Mouths

Luke 2:15-20. And it came about when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds began saying to one another, "Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing which has happened which the Lord has made known to us." And they came in haste and found their way to Mary and Joseph and the baby as He lay in the manger. And when they had seen this, they made known the statement which they had been told about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things that were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds went back glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

Clearly, the shepherds went back and told others what they had seen. I'm sure the marvel and wonder of it all brought people to their knees. I don't know how they could have kept people from going to the stable to see the baby.

And people would have brought gifts to the baby, in awe that he was or might be the Messiah. They might not have been sure of the significance of the Christ, but I think all the mothers realized that Joseph and Mary needed food to eat. Someone might have brought two barley loaves; another half of the fish he caught for dinner. Another woman would have brought clothes her babies didn't need any more.

Additionally, when Jesus was presented in the Temple, Simeon and Anna recognized the Messiah. I don't know how many days had to pass before their purification were complete, but Jesus was still a small baby. The Bible says Anna didn't leave the Temple, but she told everyone about Him who were looking for the redemption of Israel. Simeon most likely had a family and friends nearby. It's hard for me to believe that people didn't reach out to Mary, Joseph, and Jesus with whatever friendship or goods they could supply.

I am probably just trying to comfort myself that Mary and Jesus didn't suffer so badly when He was born; I'm trying to make it better. However, as a mom, I can't believe other mothers didn't reach out to Mary as soon as they saw her predicament. I realize Jesus was born in a stable and laid in a manger; I just don't want Him to stay there for weeks.