You Capture Me, O, Lord, You Capture Me!

For some time now I have wondered what to call the change in my life since 2004. My relationship with God has changed so much since then: I love Him best. Before 2004 I wanted my marriage to be the best relationship. It was not. I had to turn to God.

I had asked Christ to be my Savior as a child and grew in knowledge about the Lord as I kept attending church. Later I rededicated myself to the Lord several times as a teenager and young adult. Lately I have been wondering why I never made this commitment to be close to God earlier. Just today I figured it out--with God's help in my worship time.

There has been a change in the sermons preached from the pulpit over the last fifteen years. Perhaps it began earlier. I was looking at my sermon notes from the past, and I can see in the notes from New Hope Church that there has been a definite emphasis on individual Christians having a close relationship with God for several years. Relationships are what has been emphasized. Our relationships with each other as Christians; relationship with the community around us, and others. Most supremely, our relationship with God.

The only name I can give what for happened to me is totally surrendering my life to God. I can remember learning about this as a young woman about to leave college. The youth pastor at my church spoke to a small group of us about giving up our plans and surrendering to what God wanted us to do. I could not do it then: I was afraid. I was uncertain about who I was, and I wasn't sure I could do what God wanted me to do. I feared I would fail in my weakness. I also didn't want to go far away to some uncomfortable place. How sad that I didn't know that God would be beside me and He would develop the strength in me that I needed.

It's also sad that there was no one around I could talk to about this. The youth pastor was about to return home to Texas because his wife was very ill with an as-yet-undiagnosed illness. And I was on my way home to stay with my parents for the summer. When I came back I was in grad school and attending the Singles Sunday School class.

A huge factor in turning my life over to God was alternative Christian music. "I Want a Faith Like That" by Jonah 33 scared me to death, but fascinated me at the same time. I wanted a faith like that, but I wasn't ready for it yet. I knew better than to pray that song as I sang it.

Many other songs that we sang on Sunday by Matt Redmon or Chris Tomlin or Robert Ruiz and others promoted an intimate relationship with God. When I went to New Hope it was my first exposure to contemporary Christian music. LOL: I wondered where I could find these songs, and my then 11-year-old daughter told me to listen to Air1 radio. All the kids knew that; I just had to catch up.

Also, I have to credit the books I read. On the front page of this blog you see books listed by Larry Crabb (The Pressure's Off). He was the first influence leading me to understand that God really does have a plan for us, and it's not the one we wanted. But it will be the best plan to grow us into the person He wants us to be. Larry teaches us that God doesn't guarantee us that only good things will happen to us because we do "the right things". Life isn't like an equation, where if you do A plus B, you get C. God's ways are not our ways. Another helpful writer is John Piper.

This month I found a way to express how my life has changed in Jeremy Camp's song Capture Me.
"You took this life that once was frail
and gave it strength where hopelessness won't prevail,
and life more abundantly!"

"You opened up my heart and made a home in me.
You lifted up the weight the world has placed on me.
You capture me, O Lord, You capture me! "

"Your beauty, Lord, I know it captures me.
Your sweet embrace it brings me to my knees.
You capture me, O Lord, You capture me!"

Glory!