Hi,
Thanks for praying. I got my scan scheduled for August 4 and 5. We come back from a trip to Monterey, California the night before. I just have to be in Orange at 9:00 the next morning. Maybe I can sleep through the scan. That would be nice. I'm just afraid of waking up with my head in the tube and not knowing where I am. That would scare me and the technician. ;/
We are going to Spirit West Coast in Monterey. David Crowder*Band will be there Thursday night. They were not at the SWC in Del Mar, so we skipped Del Mar this year and will spend 5 nights in Monterey. I have a picture of Katie in Monterey when she was about 6. We will have to go to the same place and take a new picture.
I feel well, but I have to watch my limits. I went to the beach on Wednesday, but slept through Thursday afternoon. I went to Curves on Friday at 4:30 and on Sat. at 10:30. That's too close together--my legs are too tired to work out hard. Today and Sunday morning I have to rest because Sunday afternoon we are going down to the fire pits at Huntington Beach. We'll leave pretty early so I'm not exhausted.
Things are going OK.
Love,
Sharon
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Update 7-14-09
Hi,
In one week I should be having a scan done to see whats my tumor is up to now.
Please pray that I get the phone call ASAP from Nuclear Medicine to schedule the scan. The appt. should have already been made. The first day it could be done is June 21. We leave on vacation June 29- August 3. If we can't get the scan done before vacation, I have to stop every 8 hours to give myself an injection while we are out of town. I did it in Montreal, but I would like to be back on the long-lasting medication soon. I do better on then.
I am having symptoms for 3 weeks of heavy sweats that start suddenly and drench the hair on the back of my head. Last Wed. morning it was 79 degrees and my hair and the back of my hands were covered with drops of sweat. I was in the car with the A/C on. My face is often flushed. That's a classic sign of carcinoid.
Sharon
In one week I should be having a scan done to see whats my tumor is up to now.
Please pray that I get the phone call ASAP from Nuclear Medicine to schedule the scan. The appt. should have already been made. The first day it could be done is June 21. We leave on vacation June 29- August 3. If we can't get the scan done before vacation, I have to stop every 8 hours to give myself an injection while we are out of town. I did it in Montreal, but I would like to be back on the long-lasting medication soon. I do better on then.
I am having symptoms for 3 weeks of heavy sweats that start suddenly and drench the hair on the back of my head. Last Wed. morning it was 79 degrees and my hair and the back of my hands were covered with drops of sweat. I was in the car with the A/C on. My face is often flushed. That's a classic sign of carcinoid.
Sharon
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Update 7-7-09
My Chromogranin A is only 48! My Chromogranin A is only 48! I don't know why, but my Chromogranin A is only 48!
7/8/09 Actually, I do have an idea why. As I wrote on May 30th, I had turned my CgA levels over to God. I laid them down in front of the altar and made myself very small. I told God I was tired of wondering where my cancer markers were going to be, and I gave them over to Him. I said, "These are Your markers. Do what You want with them." Wherever they go now is totally His will. Thank You, Father. Praise You, Father!
7/8/09 Actually, I do have an idea why. As I wrote on May 30th, I had turned my CgA levels over to God. I laid them down in front of the altar and made myself very small. I told God I was tired of wondering where my cancer markers were going to be, and I gave them over to Him. I said, "These are Your markers. Do what You want with them." Wherever they go now is totally His will. Thank You, Father. Praise You, Father!
Monday, July 6, 2009
My Testimony
I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was nine years old. I gradually let Him work in my life as a teenager and a young adult. However, I didn't surrender my life to God because I was afraid to; my faith wasn't strong enough to let go and let God take over. Also, I didn't know anyone who had done that. I just went along with what I thought would be acceptable to God and was something I could do.
For example, I went to Cal Baptist College in Riverside, California and studied biology. I knew that would be OK with my parents, it would be in keeping with my talents, and it was something I could afford to pay for. My parents would not have been so OK with me living in a coed dorm at UCLA and majoring in fine art where I would have been looking at nude models. I did what I thought was reasonable and not contrary to any Biblical teachings.
There was a popular saying at the time, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." I learned how to witness to people using the tract that made that statement, but I didn't think it applied to me. I didn't really think it applied to most people. I was an ordinary person. I had no great talent; I couldn't sing or preach or lead hundreds of people to Christ. I thought God just had a wonderful plan for special people.
So I worked as a science teacher, I married, and I had a daughter. I did not realize that God was working in my life, quietly and behind the scenes. After I had been married several years, I was very disillusioned with my life. The poor quality of my marriage had much to do with it.
In 2005 I came out of my disillusionment and realized God's plan for me was wonderful. It was during the hardest time in my life; when I realized my marriage was dead and nothing was going to save it. That was more devastating than when I found out that I had cancer. I remember clutching the steering wheel of the car each day driving back and forth to school as I listened to music by delirious?, Casting Crowns, Jonah 33 or Jeremy Camp. I would pray the lyrics of their songs as I drove down the street. It was especially intense between February and May of 2005.
I remember the day that I sat in the left turn lane at Hamner and Bellegrave in Ontario, California, praying as I waited for the light to turn green.
Jesus spoke to me and he said, "I'm waiting for you."
Jesus spoke right out of the middle of the back seat. He had the sweetest, kindest voice. He was waiting for me, and when I was ready, He would be there. There was no impatience, no toe-tapping. He was just waiting for me. I was that important to Him--He would wait for me!!
That was when Jesus became the one I love best; during those very hard days when I was in a situation I never thought I was going to find myself in. I remember going to a counselor who warned me that if I continued with my counselling, I was going to get to a place where I was well and I would be dissatisfied with my marriage. It might mean the end of my marriage.
When I heard that warning in 2005, I didn't care if my marriage ended; I wanted to be well. I knew I was close to being over my emotional problems. I was getting stronger. The end was in sight and I was going to reach it. If my husband insisted on staying where he was in his misery, that was his decision.
So I decided to go ahead and participate more in church life, even if it meant going to Bible study without my husband. In June 2006 I began working with Carmen greeting people before church and becoming acquainted with women who came to church alone. Sometimes I sat next to a woman who was by herself. In 2006 I began blooming.
A person cannot be spiritually mature until they are emotionally mature. All levels of maturity go hand-in-hand: social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, etc. You cannot excel at one maturity and be immature in other areas.
Now I know that God was guiding me in my choices as I went through my early years. He guided me as much as I would let him. I know I prayed about which college to attend and which major to choose. I wasn't very adept at discerning God's voice when I was young, but I think he He put me in the place I belonged. I know I am teaching in the place He wants me to be now.
Mostly, what has happened is that I have an attitude change. I see my life as part of God's plan.
He sees this entire picture from the creation of the world until its end. We see a small part of human history. It amazes me is that God's intellect and love is so vast that he remembers to have me read a book on July 6, 2009 that may help with a situation next year and that may help my daughter lead someone to Christ when she is on the mission field.
Each one of us has a place in God's plan. We might be the boy with 2 fish and 5 loaves or we might be his mom who packed the lunch. We might be the person who caught the fish or the one who mended the net. Each one of us has a place in God's plan.
For example, I went to Cal Baptist College in Riverside, California and studied biology. I knew that would be OK with my parents, it would be in keeping with my talents, and it was something I could afford to pay for. My parents would not have been so OK with me living in a coed dorm at UCLA and majoring in fine art where I would have been looking at nude models. I did what I thought was reasonable and not contrary to any Biblical teachings.
There was a popular saying at the time, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." I learned how to witness to people using the tract that made that statement, but I didn't think it applied to me. I didn't really think it applied to most people. I was an ordinary person. I had no great talent; I couldn't sing or preach or lead hundreds of people to Christ. I thought God just had a wonderful plan for special people.
So I worked as a science teacher, I married, and I had a daughter. I did not realize that God was working in my life, quietly and behind the scenes. After I had been married several years, I was very disillusioned with my life. The poor quality of my marriage had much to do with it.
In 2005 I came out of my disillusionment and realized God's plan for me was wonderful. It was during the hardest time in my life; when I realized my marriage was dead and nothing was going to save it. That was more devastating than when I found out that I had cancer. I remember clutching the steering wheel of the car each day driving back and forth to school as I listened to music by delirious?, Casting Crowns, Jonah 33 or Jeremy Camp. I would pray the lyrics of their songs as I drove down the street. It was especially intense between February and May of 2005.
I remember the day that I sat in the left turn lane at Hamner and Bellegrave in Ontario, California, praying as I waited for the light to turn green.
Jesus spoke to me and he said, "I'm waiting for you."
Jesus spoke right out of the middle of the back seat. He had the sweetest, kindest voice. He was waiting for me, and when I was ready, He would be there. There was no impatience, no toe-tapping. He was just waiting for me. I was that important to Him--He would wait for me!!
That was when Jesus became the one I love best; during those very hard days when I was in a situation I never thought I was going to find myself in. I remember going to a counselor who warned me that if I continued with my counselling, I was going to get to a place where I was well and I would be dissatisfied with my marriage. It might mean the end of my marriage.
When I heard that warning in 2005, I didn't care if my marriage ended; I wanted to be well. I knew I was close to being over my emotional problems. I was getting stronger. The end was in sight and I was going to reach it. If my husband insisted on staying where he was in his misery, that was his decision.
So I decided to go ahead and participate more in church life, even if it meant going to Bible study without my husband. In June 2006 I began working with Carmen greeting people before church and becoming acquainted with women who came to church alone. Sometimes I sat next to a woman who was by herself. In 2006 I began blooming.
A person cannot be spiritually mature until they are emotionally mature. All levels of maturity go hand-in-hand: social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, etc. You cannot excel at one maturity and be immature in other areas.
Now I know that God was guiding me in my choices as I went through my early years. He guided me as much as I would let him. I know I prayed about which college to attend and which major to choose. I wasn't very adept at discerning God's voice when I was young, but I think he He put me in the place I belonged. I know I am teaching in the place He wants me to be now.
Mostly, what has happened is that I have an attitude change. I see my life as part of God's plan.
He sees this entire picture from the creation of the world until its end. We see a small part of human history. It amazes me is that God's intellect and love is so vast that he remembers to have me read a book on July 6, 2009 that may help with a situation next year and that may help my daughter lead someone to Christ when she is on the mission field.
Each one of us has a place in God's plan. We might be the boy with 2 fish and 5 loaves or we might be his mom who packed the lunch. We might be the person who caught the fish or the one who mended the net. Each one of us has a place in God's plan.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Update 7/1/09
Happy Canada Day! K and I got back from Montreal yesterday after having a great time!
The hotel was in the perfect location for us because we were on the edge of Old Montreal to the south and Chinatown to the north. The metro was across the street. Chinatown was having a open air market for several days--when it didn't rain. We picked up a $4 umbrella there and a $2 sun hat. (The weather varied.) Best of all, I got a Chinese stamp made with my name in Chinese characters. I got the red ink, so now I can stamp my great works with my name. I don't think I ever would have come across that item for sale anywhere else.
The gentleman who made the stamp had a Chinese shop on the corner of the pedestrian street. He has books, calligraphy materials, art supplies, and various thing re: Chinese culture. The top of my stamp had to have a raccoon on it because of the month and year I was born. The shop owner carved my name in 30 minutes while K and I went to eat dinner. It was an interesting conversation because he spoke Cantonese and French. He understood some English. I spoke English and K spoke some French, so together we figured it all out.
We took pictures and walked all over Old Montreal. We went to two museums. Of course, we tried various restaurants. One we really liked was Chez Suzette. They had crepes, fondue, and spaghetti like the spaghetti in Romania. K especially liked the spaghetti.
We had a very nice time. I had my wallet stolen on the first day we were there. Luckily, I had just taken my debit card out of the wallet for safe-keeping that morning. I wish I had also removed my checks and military ID. The ID had Social Security numbers on it for R and I, plus his birth date. We are both at risk for identity theft now. However, the thief never had used the credit card or any checks by time I changed the accounts. Maybe he/she just wanted the cash. Pray that we stay safe from any fraud.
It was interesting how I reacted to the theft. I discovered it at a restaurant where we ate lunch. I stayed calm and walked back to the hotel to get cash--there was only $35 in my wallet. I keep my money in a few different places when I travel. When I returned to the restaurant, the server expressed concern over the loss of my wallet. I thanked him and said so many different things had happened to me in the last couple years, that this wasn't such a big deal. Five years ago I would have been much more upset.
I need to replace my health insurance cards, driver's license and military ID. I have signed up for any identity theft program. Richard already had one.
We still had a wonderful time. I acquired a small French vocabulary. It's easy to read French signs because the vocabulary is similar to Spanish, and, as K pointed out, everything is in the present tense. We picked up a few Christmas ornaments a the Christmas shop, and we had a very flattering cariacature done by an artist in one of the city squares. I brought home a T-shirt for each of us and many pleasant memories. I would go back again.
The hotel was in the perfect location for us because we were on the edge of Old Montreal to the south and Chinatown to the north. The metro was across the street. Chinatown was having a open air market for several days--when it didn't rain. We picked up a $4 umbrella there and a $2 sun hat. (The weather varied.) Best of all, I got a Chinese stamp made with my name in Chinese characters. I got the red ink, so now I can stamp my great works with my name. I don't think I ever would have come across that item for sale anywhere else.
The gentleman who made the stamp had a Chinese shop on the corner of the pedestrian street. He has books, calligraphy materials, art supplies, and various thing re: Chinese culture. The top of my stamp had to have a raccoon on it because of the month and year I was born. The shop owner carved my name in 30 minutes while K and I went to eat dinner. It was an interesting conversation because he spoke Cantonese and French. He understood some English. I spoke English and K spoke some French, so together we figured it all out.
We took pictures and walked all over Old Montreal. We went to two museums. Of course, we tried various restaurants. One we really liked was Chez Suzette. They had crepes, fondue, and spaghetti like the spaghetti in Romania. K especially liked the spaghetti.
We had a very nice time. I had my wallet stolen on the first day we were there. Luckily, I had just taken my debit card out of the wallet for safe-keeping that morning. I wish I had also removed my checks and military ID. The ID had Social Security numbers on it for R and I, plus his birth date. We are both at risk for identity theft now. However, the thief never had used the credit card or any checks by time I changed the accounts. Maybe he/she just wanted the cash. Pray that we stay safe from any fraud.
It was interesting how I reacted to the theft. I discovered it at a restaurant where we ate lunch. I stayed calm and walked back to the hotel to get cash--there was only $35 in my wallet. I keep my money in a few different places when I travel. When I returned to the restaurant, the server expressed concern over the loss of my wallet. I thanked him and said so many different things had happened to me in the last couple years, that this wasn't such a big deal. Five years ago I would have been much more upset.
I need to replace my health insurance cards, driver's license and military ID. I have signed up for any identity theft program. Richard already had one.
We still had a wonderful time. I acquired a small French vocabulary. It's easy to read French signs because the vocabulary is similar to Spanish, and, as K pointed out, everything is in the present tense. We picked up a few Christmas ornaments a the Christmas shop, and we had a very flattering cariacature done by an artist in one of the city squares. I brought home a T-shirt for each of us and many pleasant memories. I would go back again.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Catching up
Hi,
A.) R, K and I went to the Mission Inn last night (6-19-09) to collect on the dinner for two that I had won. (From Singh Chevrolet in Riverside. If you ever need a Chevy, buy one from them. They are the Perfect Attendance program in our school district. Without their generosity, there are no prizes for the students.) We had a great time. The limo came to our house at 5:30, so we were early for our 6:20 reservation. The table was all ready for us, so we went right in. We like to eat a little early to avoid the big crowds. It was delicious food with excellent service.
R and I shared the Chateaubriand and K had fillet minion. The adults got to enjoy some wine with dinner and relax. It's good that K gets some experience like this so she is prepared for dining in a fine establishment when she is older. We have taken her to the Sycamore Inn in Rancho Cucamonga, and just about every else we have ever dined. She started going into fine restaurants when she was about six years old. I still have the dress she wore.
B. I was in Houston, Texas last weekend for the Love Family Genealogy Conference. I was still working on Thursday, but arrived on Friday and met some lovely, friendly people. We had a great dinner at Pappadeaux. I had a crab cake with shrimp (rather than the crawfish).
What did I learn about our branch of the Love family. (a) we are either descended from some branch of the Love family which descended from 5 Love brothers who lived in Chester County, PA in the early 1700s. Then they spread in 3 directions. They are all over the place.
or (b) We descend from an independent line of Loves who came from Ireland soon before the Revolution and were clearing their land when the Rev. War broke out. There is a Henry Love who received a pension for being crippled in the war. His story sounds much like the family story we have. However, Henry's son remembers his father's brother as being named John. We are supposedly looking for a Robert, but we are not sure about that.
So the Chester County Loves have proximity on their side, but the Henry Love family has a similar story. I have to keep looking under rocks to find the missing link.
C. I have discovered that much of my muscle weakness when I'm working out at Curves is not from cancer! It may be from taking Zocor for the last several months. Statin drugs cause muscle weakness. Paula (at Curves) and I would grieve at my loss of strength, thinking it was cancer taking its toll. Instead it could be medication.
Pray for me as I need to start eating right and exercising again. My cholesterol was up to 200 even on Zocor because I couldn't exercise and I'm eating badly again. Thanks!
D. Tuesday I go to Montreal with Katie. It's her reward for getting A's in French for 3 years. We leave Tuesday at 7:50 am. Return next Tuesday morning at the same time from Montreal. I'm learning to use my digital camera. I will see if I can upload some pictures to this blog. I am on Facebook now and I have gotten a few pictures on there.
Have a Great Week!
Love,
Sharon
A.) R, K and I went to the Mission Inn last night (6-19-09) to collect on the dinner for two that I had won. (From Singh Chevrolet in Riverside. If you ever need a Chevy, buy one from them. They are the Perfect Attendance program in our school district. Without their generosity, there are no prizes for the students.) We had a great time. The limo came to our house at 5:30, so we were early for our 6:20 reservation. The table was all ready for us, so we went right in. We like to eat a little early to avoid the big crowds. It was delicious food with excellent service.
R and I shared the Chateaubriand and K had fillet minion. The adults got to enjoy some wine with dinner and relax. It's good that K gets some experience like this so she is prepared for dining in a fine establishment when she is older. We have taken her to the Sycamore Inn in Rancho Cucamonga, and just about every else we have ever dined. She started going into fine restaurants when she was about six years old. I still have the dress she wore.
B. I was in Houston, Texas last weekend for the Love Family Genealogy Conference. I was still working on Thursday, but arrived on Friday and met some lovely, friendly people. We had a great dinner at Pappadeaux. I had a crab cake with shrimp (rather than the crawfish).
What did I learn about our branch of the Love family. (a) we are either descended from some branch of the Love family which descended from 5 Love brothers who lived in Chester County, PA in the early 1700s. Then they spread in 3 directions. They are all over the place.
or (b) We descend from an independent line of Loves who came from Ireland soon before the Revolution and were clearing their land when the Rev. War broke out. There is a Henry Love who received a pension for being crippled in the war. His story sounds much like the family story we have. However, Henry's son remembers his father's brother as being named John. We are supposedly looking for a Robert, but we are not sure about that.
So the Chester County Loves have proximity on their side, but the Henry Love family has a similar story. I have to keep looking under rocks to find the missing link.
C. I have discovered that much of my muscle weakness when I'm working out at Curves is not from cancer! It may be from taking Zocor for the last several months. Statin drugs cause muscle weakness. Paula (at Curves) and I would grieve at my loss of strength, thinking it was cancer taking its toll. Instead it could be medication.
Pray for me as I need to start eating right and exercising again. My cholesterol was up to 200 even on Zocor because I couldn't exercise and I'm eating badly again. Thanks!
D. Tuesday I go to Montreal with Katie. It's her reward for getting A's in French for 3 years. We leave Tuesday at 7:50 am. Return next Tuesday morning at the same time from Montreal. I'm learning to use my digital camera. I will see if I can upload some pictures to this blog. I am on Facebook now and I have gotten a few pictures on there.
Have a Great Week!
Love,
Sharon
Sunday, June 7, 2009
God Gives me Presents
It started last February. God began giving me presents to encourage me and let me know that He has not forgotten me.
On February 14th I took Kay and R to the fundraiser for Garden of Angels/Safe Surrender. (There is a link to their website on my first page.) Garden of Angels is a cemetery in Southern California for babies that have been abandoned by their mothers and are found dead. The Safe Surrender law in California is supposed to keep this from happening, but evidently, the people in need of safe surrender do not all know about the law. So I took my family to the fundraiser on Valentine's Day. It's about love and totally fitting that it is near Valentine's Day every year. This is the first year I have gone to the fundraiser.
At the dinner there was a silent auction and a raffle for various items that have been donated. I bought 5 raffle tickets and put 4 of them in a drawing for a beautiful pearl necklace. I prayed, "Lord, I'm 56 years old and I've never had a pearl necklace. I've only got about 5 years left on this earth, and I think it would be totally appropriate if I won this necklace." I left it at that. I enjoyed my dinner and bid in the silent auction. There were many nice things to bid on. In fact, I had such a nice time, I want to reserve a table next year, and take friends who would be interested in supporting Garden of Angels/Safe Surrender.
When the winner of the pearl necklace was announced, I had my 4 tickets spread out in front of me. Kay was watching and when the winning number was announced, she said,"Mom, you won!"
I wasn't really surprised. When the MC asked me what I thought of winning, I said, "Amazing!" I really meant, "God is amazing!"
One day this spring I had a difficult time when I realized I'm not going to be around to see my grandchildren do things. I don't know if I will even get to see them. Kim, a secretary at work who also has cancer, was comforting me. She reminded me of simple things like birds singing are God's gift to us. So I've been extra aware of birds singing lately.
Sometimes, when I feed Spunky in the morning, I sit out on the patio for a few minutes with a cup of tea. The birds in my neighborhood sing and sing. The other day I realized I was hearing three different bird songs at once. Then another bird began chattering to the west, and the turtledoves returned on the house to my south, so I could hear their cooing. It's as if I live in an aviary. God is good.
Another gift from God is the healing of my marriage. I'm sure not doing it. R and I have not lived together for almost three years. He has been coming over on weekends and doing yardwork. We have found a place where we can go to church together where people don't know our history. We can worship and socialize like a couple that has been married nearly 24 years. One evening while we were eating hamburgers, Richard asked a couple men about the rings their wives were wearing. Both men had bought their wives new rings after they had been married some years. One man referred to his wife's "starter set" and said he had replaced it long ago.
Soooo, I now have a new ring! It has a large center stone with two smaller diamonds on the side. I just got it Friday night, and only a few people have seen it. So you are among the first to know!
But that's not all! God gave me presents on Thursday, Friday and Saturday! Thursday there was an assembly sponsored by Singh Chevrolet for our students with perfect attendance. Singh also gave a prize to a teacher of dinner at the Mission Inn and a ride there in a limousine. And I won! I was really surprised by that one. I was thinking about some teachers with good attendance, when Dave announced that I had won.
Saturday Kay and R and I went to a fundraiser for Foothill Family Shelter. This is a wonderful group in Upland that helps families have a place to live, gives them job skills, and teaches them how to save money while they are in the two year program. The Shelter has a 120 day program and a longer program. It was so inspiring listening to the families talk about all the help they had been given! The Shelter also helps them with therapy, job skills, parenting skills, and dental care. One of the dads said he had a new smile, and thanked the Shelter for giving an ex-convict the tools to go out and get a job. One son wanted to especially thank his therapist. The younger son said he was learning how to express his emotions in group therapy. A mother learned how to take care of her children and plan for a future together. Another dad had saved $10,000--the most money anyone who passed through the Shelter had ever saved!
I was so excited by the work at the shelter that I wanted to make a donation. One of the volunteers suggested that I buy raffle tickets for the jewelry that was being raffled off. I donated enough money for 8 raffle tickets. When the MC began reading the numbers of the winning tickets, I handed some to a lady at our table so she could play along. I didn't think I needed to win anything else this week. Kay asked if she could have some and just took one.
When the MC read the number for an amethyst cluster ring, Kay won! She was very excited. I told her God wanted her to have a present.
Isn't God amazing?
On February 14th I took Kay and R to the fundraiser for Garden of Angels/Safe Surrender. (There is a link to their website on my first page.) Garden of Angels is a cemetery in Southern California for babies that have been abandoned by their mothers and are found dead. The Safe Surrender law in California is supposed to keep this from happening, but evidently, the people in need of safe surrender do not all know about the law. So I took my family to the fundraiser on Valentine's Day. It's about love and totally fitting that it is near Valentine's Day every year. This is the first year I have gone to the fundraiser.
At the dinner there was a silent auction and a raffle for various items that have been donated. I bought 5 raffle tickets and put 4 of them in a drawing for a beautiful pearl necklace. I prayed, "Lord, I'm 56 years old and I've never had a pearl necklace. I've only got about 5 years left on this earth, and I think it would be totally appropriate if I won this necklace." I left it at that. I enjoyed my dinner and bid in the silent auction. There were many nice things to bid on. In fact, I had such a nice time, I want to reserve a table next year, and take friends who would be interested in supporting Garden of Angels/Safe Surrender.
When the winner of the pearl necklace was announced, I had my 4 tickets spread out in front of me. Kay was watching and when the winning number was announced, she said,"Mom, you won!"
I wasn't really surprised. When the MC asked me what I thought of winning, I said, "Amazing!" I really meant, "God is amazing!"
One day this spring I had a difficult time when I realized I'm not going to be around to see my grandchildren do things. I don't know if I will even get to see them. Kim, a secretary at work who also has cancer, was comforting me. She reminded me of simple things like birds singing are God's gift to us. So I've been extra aware of birds singing lately.
Sometimes, when I feed Spunky in the morning, I sit out on the patio for a few minutes with a cup of tea. The birds in my neighborhood sing and sing. The other day I realized I was hearing three different bird songs at once. Then another bird began chattering to the west, and the turtledoves returned on the house to my south, so I could hear their cooing. It's as if I live in an aviary. God is good.
Another gift from God is the healing of my marriage. I'm sure not doing it. R and I have not lived together for almost three years. He has been coming over on weekends and doing yardwork. We have found a place where we can go to church together where people don't know our history. We can worship and socialize like a couple that has been married nearly 24 years. One evening while we were eating hamburgers, Richard asked a couple men about the rings their wives were wearing. Both men had bought their wives new rings after they had been married some years. One man referred to his wife's "starter set" and said he had replaced it long ago.
Soooo, I now have a new ring! It has a large center stone with two smaller diamonds on the side. I just got it Friday night, and only a few people have seen it. So you are among the first to know!
But that's not all! God gave me presents on Thursday, Friday and Saturday! Thursday there was an assembly sponsored by Singh Chevrolet for our students with perfect attendance. Singh also gave a prize to a teacher of dinner at the Mission Inn and a ride there in a limousine. And I won! I was really surprised by that one. I was thinking about some teachers with good attendance, when Dave announced that I had won.
Saturday Kay and R and I went to a fundraiser for Foothill Family Shelter. This is a wonderful group in Upland that helps families have a place to live, gives them job skills, and teaches them how to save money while they are in the two year program. The Shelter has a 120 day program and a longer program. It was so inspiring listening to the families talk about all the help they had been given! The Shelter also helps them with therapy, job skills, parenting skills, and dental care. One of the dads said he had a new smile, and thanked the Shelter for giving an ex-convict the tools to go out and get a job. One son wanted to especially thank his therapist. The younger son said he was learning how to express his emotions in group therapy. A mother learned how to take care of her children and plan for a future together. Another dad had saved $10,000--the most money anyone who passed through the Shelter had ever saved!
I was so excited by the work at the shelter that I wanted to make a donation. One of the volunteers suggested that I buy raffle tickets for the jewelry that was being raffled off. I donated enough money for 8 raffle tickets. When the MC began reading the numbers of the winning tickets, I handed some to a lady at our table so she could play along. I didn't think I needed to win anything else this week. Kay asked if she could have some and just took one.
When the MC read the number for an amethyst cluster ring, Kay won! She was very excited. I told her God wanted her to have a present.
Isn't God amazing?
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Update 5/30/09
Hi,
I have not written for a week. Last Saturday and Sunday I was going through such a difficult time that I couldn't write about it. A few days later, I could look back and see what had happened, but I didn't have time to write about it. So, one week later, I will try to reconstruct what was happening.
I had previously written that my Chromogranin A had only gone up to 93 in May. The April reading was 87, March was 76, February was 57 and January was 63. December had been 254 before I started taking medication. Those are small increases, but there is just one problem--my numbers aren't supposed to be going up at all.
My oncologist, Dr. Z, is following the protocol of a study being done at Philipps University in Marburg, Germany. The title is PROMID: Octreotide LAR delayed progression in neuroendocrine midgut tumors. This study found that the median time before the tumor progressed after starting Octreotide LAR @ 30 mg per month was 14.3 months. The patients on the placebo had their tumors delay progression for a median of 6 months. My doctor said the reason the disease went 6 months without progressing is because the tumors grow so slowly.
The problem? My tumor delayed progressing for only two months: January and February.
When I saw Dr. Z on May 12th, he said that unfortunately, it looked from my symptoms like my numbers were continuing to go up. He told me that if Octreotide stopped working for me, there was a study being carried on at City of Hope that I could qualify for.
So last weekend I was facing the following fears:
1. If my tumors keep growing like this, I'll be ill soon after school starts in August. I will miss work if the surgeon does a chemoembolization of my liver.
2. That's if they can find my tumor. It showed up in November, but wasn't visible in March. It has to be about 1 cm, so Dr. DI can see it well enough to stick a needle in it.
3. While I was on the LAR (long-acting injection) my numbers went up much more slowly than when I gave the injections to myself. I had to start giving myself shots again on May 26th to get ready for a scan to be done in July. (I can't have the long-acting drug in my body when the scan is done.) When I give myself the shots, the timing of the injections isn't exactly 8 hours apart, so the medication doesn't stay level in my bloodstream.
4. So every time I stop the LAR because of a scan, my cancer will grow more quickly.
5. How long until I am so sick I can't work?
6. If I get into a clinical study, what if I get put on the placebo? Would the researchers really just let someone die on the placebo, rather than switch her to the drug being tested?
These are the crazy kinds of thoughts that I have. I wanted you to know what it is really like to be me and have cancer. Everything is not OK all the time. God just helps me get through it.
Sunday morning I got down on my knees and prayed. I know that God always hears me. I know that because of His greatness--He says that He hears us and He does. I just don't always feel like I'm getting any response. So I got up and went on getting ready for church.
As I was getting ready, God told me to praise Him. I acknowledged that when I first became ill, all I could do was praise Him. I had no idea what the doctors could do. So I praised Him in song that morning.
Then He sent me a picture of myself kneeling at the altar in church and making myself very small. I had brought the graph of my Chromogranin A values. I laid it down at the altar and knelt. I had pictured this image of myself kneeling once before, but i thought i was just being overly dramatic about bringing in the graph. I guess God really wanted me to bring it in. So I did what He told me to do.
That lifted my spirits so I wasn't as frightened. That's how God helps me.
I have not written for a week. Last Saturday and Sunday I was going through such a difficult time that I couldn't write about it. A few days later, I could look back and see what had happened, but I didn't have time to write about it. So, one week later, I will try to reconstruct what was happening.
I had previously written that my Chromogranin A had only gone up to 93 in May. The April reading was 87, March was 76, February was 57 and January was 63. December had been 254 before I started taking medication. Those are small increases, but there is just one problem--my numbers aren't supposed to be going up at all.
My oncologist, Dr. Z, is following the protocol of a study being done at Philipps University in Marburg, Germany. The title is PROMID: Octreotide LAR delayed progression in neuroendocrine midgut tumors. This study found that the median time before the tumor progressed after starting Octreotide LAR @ 30 mg per month was 14.3 months. The patients on the placebo had their tumors delay progression for a median of 6 months. My doctor said the reason the disease went 6 months without progressing is because the tumors grow so slowly.
The problem? My tumor delayed progressing for only two months: January and February.
When I saw Dr. Z on May 12th, he said that unfortunately, it looked from my symptoms like my numbers were continuing to go up. He told me that if Octreotide stopped working for me, there was a study being carried on at City of Hope that I could qualify for.
So last weekend I was facing the following fears:
1. If my tumors keep growing like this, I'll be ill soon after school starts in August. I will miss work if the surgeon does a chemoembolization of my liver.
2. That's if they can find my tumor. It showed up in November, but wasn't visible in March. It has to be about 1 cm, so Dr. DI can see it well enough to stick a needle in it.
3. While I was on the LAR (long-acting injection) my numbers went up much more slowly than when I gave the injections to myself. I had to start giving myself shots again on May 26th to get ready for a scan to be done in July. (I can't have the long-acting drug in my body when the scan is done.) When I give myself the shots, the timing of the injections isn't exactly 8 hours apart, so the medication doesn't stay level in my bloodstream.
4. So every time I stop the LAR because of a scan, my cancer will grow more quickly.
5. How long until I am so sick I can't work?
6. If I get into a clinical study, what if I get put on the placebo? Would the researchers really just let someone die on the placebo, rather than switch her to the drug being tested?
These are the crazy kinds of thoughts that I have. I wanted you to know what it is really like to be me and have cancer. Everything is not OK all the time. God just helps me get through it.
Sunday morning I got down on my knees and prayed. I know that God always hears me. I know that because of His greatness--He says that He hears us and He does. I just don't always feel like I'm getting any response. So I got up and went on getting ready for church.
As I was getting ready, God told me to praise Him. I acknowledged that when I first became ill, all I could do was praise Him. I had no idea what the doctors could do. So I praised Him in song that morning.
Then He sent me a picture of myself kneeling at the altar in church and making myself very small. I had brought the graph of my Chromogranin A values. I laid it down at the altar and knelt. I had pictured this image of myself kneeling once before, but i thought i was just being overly dramatic about bringing in the graph. I guess God really wanted me to bring it in. So I did what He told me to do.
That lifted my spirits so I wasn't as frightened. That's how God helps me.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Update 5/15/09
Hi,
Tomorrow is the Relay for Life at Rancho Cucamonga High School. Kay and I will be there. I'll do the first 1-2 laps and go home. Kay does charity events because she is in Key Club at Colony High School. She is their historian, so she goes to take pictures. Tomorrow she will be there for 12 hours to take turns in the relay. She raised $100 for the American Cancer Society.
I had the best Mother's Day ever. We went to church and then to brunch, and we even had a reservation for brunch! Then I sat out in the garden and deadheaded flowers while Kay and R trimmed and planted a few things. They went over to see Grandma H afterwards, but I was too tired to go. I had to be able to go to work in the morning.
I am not doing very well. For the last three weeks I have added problems with fatigue on the weekends and have gone to sleep for three hours on a Saturday afternoon, or just sat out in the garden, instead of planting anything new out there. Of course, I'm tired during the week, so I don't cook for Katie and myself. Tonight I slept from 5:00 until 8:24. It's a good thing Spunky barked, or he would have been outside alone even longer.
This is where you can help. I have plenty of money for food, but I just can't cook it. This week I heated up some spaghetti sauce for Kay on one night, and she was able to eat that for two days. Otherwise, I buy Chinese, or she eats frozen food. Her Dad buys her fast food after school many days of the week. I'm not getting enough protein, and that may make me feel weaker. Sometimes I eat plain sliced ham or turkey, so I get protein. It's easier for me to come home and just eat fruit, cookies, or a peanut butter sandwich. I can't put a meal together.
I do my grocery shopping on Sunday or Monday. I try not to buy many things that will spoil, but I throw away too much food. I'll buy a package of Express Salad and sometimes use half before it goes bad. Tonight I cooked some strips of steak that I was going to use to make stir fry, but I never got that done. I hope the meat hasn't gone bad. I just pan fried it with some olive oil and soy sauce, so maybe I can use it tomorrow. I only thaw out one frozen meat per week because I only cook one or two times weekly.
I have plenty of money for food, and I can even buy the groceries, but I need someone who can cook for Kay and I. I would be happy to pay $20 for a prepared meal. It doesn't matter which day of the week it is, we can use it. R would help us, but he doesn't live with us, and he teaches and has office hours from 5-9 Monday through Thursday. Please let me know if you can help me. I've appreciated it when people cooked before, and the food was delicious!
I saw my oncologist on Tuesday for our monthly appointment. The chromogranin A test did not get done, so I had blood drawn for that test again. There are some fasting tests the doctor would like to have done to see what else my tumor might be producing. He said neuroendocrine tumors (carcinoids) can also give off insulin, gastrin, glucagon, and VIP, so he is checking to see if my tumor is producing those compounds.
For the record, my symptoms include my usual carcinoid digestion, feeling heated, high blood pressure, nausea, poor balance, and mounting fatigue. My chromogranin A level was at 87 last month. It feel like I have passed 100 now. My last tumor (June 2008) was removed when the numbers were at 170. I felt really well in the middle of the day today. I just get very tired.
God bless you all and Good Night!
Sharon
Tomorrow is the Relay for Life at Rancho Cucamonga High School. Kay and I will be there. I'll do the first 1-2 laps and go home. Kay does charity events because she is in Key Club at Colony High School. She is their historian, so she goes to take pictures. Tomorrow she will be there for 12 hours to take turns in the relay. She raised $100 for the American Cancer Society.
I had the best Mother's Day ever. We went to church and then to brunch, and we even had a reservation for brunch! Then I sat out in the garden and deadheaded flowers while Kay and R trimmed and planted a few things. They went over to see Grandma H afterwards, but I was too tired to go. I had to be able to go to work in the morning.
I am not doing very well. For the last three weeks I have added problems with fatigue on the weekends and have gone to sleep for three hours on a Saturday afternoon, or just sat out in the garden, instead of planting anything new out there. Of course, I'm tired during the week, so I don't cook for Katie and myself. Tonight I slept from 5:00 until 8:24. It's a good thing Spunky barked, or he would have been outside alone even longer.
This is where you can help. I have plenty of money for food, but I just can't cook it. This week I heated up some spaghetti sauce for Kay on one night, and she was able to eat that for two days. Otherwise, I buy Chinese, or she eats frozen food. Her Dad buys her fast food after school many days of the week. I'm not getting enough protein, and that may make me feel weaker. Sometimes I eat plain sliced ham or turkey, so I get protein. It's easier for me to come home and just eat fruit, cookies, or a peanut butter sandwich. I can't put a meal together.
I do my grocery shopping on Sunday or Monday. I try not to buy many things that will spoil, but I throw away too much food. I'll buy a package of Express Salad and sometimes use half before it goes bad. Tonight I cooked some strips of steak that I was going to use to make stir fry, but I never got that done. I hope the meat hasn't gone bad. I just pan fried it with some olive oil and soy sauce, so maybe I can use it tomorrow. I only thaw out one frozen meat per week because I only cook one or two times weekly.
I have plenty of money for food, and I can even buy the groceries, but I need someone who can cook for Kay and I. I would be happy to pay $20 for a prepared meal. It doesn't matter which day of the week it is, we can use it. R would help us, but he doesn't live with us, and he teaches and has office hours from 5-9 Monday through Thursday. Please let me know if you can help me. I've appreciated it when people cooked before, and the food was delicious!
I saw my oncologist on Tuesday for our monthly appointment. The chromogranin A test did not get done, so I had blood drawn for that test again. There are some fasting tests the doctor would like to have done to see what else my tumor might be producing. He said neuroendocrine tumors (carcinoids) can also give off insulin, gastrin, glucagon, and VIP, so he is checking to see if my tumor is producing those compounds.
For the record, my symptoms include my usual carcinoid digestion, feeling heated, high blood pressure, nausea, poor balance, and mounting fatigue. My chromogranin A level was at 87 last month. It feel like I have passed 100 now. My last tumor (June 2008) was removed when the numbers were at 170. I felt really well in the middle of the day today. I just get very tired.
God bless you all and Good Night!
Sharon
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